Human and Affective Maturity. I value friendships very much. I can say that a significant portion of my time and life was spent in building and strengthening friendships. As much as possible, I open and share my feelings and moments of desolation to persons I trust. (Considering that I am a judgmental and “impressionistic” person, I chose the persons sometimes based from first and baseless impressions wherein I believe hindered me from having meaningful relationships with some people in the community.)
I emphasized on relationships to the detriment also of so many things. There were a number of times when I had to compromise certain “priorities” just to be with somebody. [I even wasted time with the laundry women, seminary workers, and I do not regret that I did it!]
When I read the word “authority”, I first asked myself what is this “authority” that holds and governs my life? Because on the first place [I maybe wrong] I never considered the formators as “authorities”— meaning persons who wield power and determine my life for me. I always considered them as co-formators who discern with me my vocation. Similarly, I see structures and rules, not as absolutes, but relative to their effectiveness and value to the seminarian’s formation to the priesthood. With this in mind, I can be open and share to my Spiritual Director, Prefect of Discipline and/or Rector in a similar fashion [as long as I see them capable of helping me grow]. I can also disregard structures or rules that I deemed are not helping me. (But as I see it all the structures and rules, which were in place, are all geared towards our formation, I may not see their value at the moment but in the near future maybe.)
What I love in the structure and formation offered at San Jose is basically the fact that I can be who I am and after that giving me the opportunities to form myself to who I can and should be. It is not a perfect formation program but it is very much rooted on the vision of forming good and holy persons, Christians and ultimately priests.I can say that I was not able to exhaust and fully cooperate to the formation offered to me by the seminary [especially in academics, wherein in the early years of my stay, and even until now shades of it can be observed that I took it for granted.]
Spiritual Life and Religious Practice. I have special devotions to Mama Mary and the Sacred Heart. I always bring “my all” to prayer. I try my best to have a time for silence for my daily examination of consciousness. I have not been faithful to the Liturgy of the Hours and for the past months I have not been seeing my spiritual director [although I have a confessor wherein I share my difficulties]. I consciously wanted to be a role model of prayer to people in the process it was I who benefited much from that decision. That decision brought me really to prayer and closer relationship to God.
Chastity and Priestly Celibacy. I can say that I view my relationships with both sexes as opportunities to grow in my life as an ordained person. The main problem that I foresee is maintaining a balance between being intimate without “falling exclusively for” someone. As my peers have affirmed, I have a tendency to show special care and attention to persons I love and like to the detriment of my other relationships. This special care can easily be misinterpreted and construed by others as baiting for an exclusive romantic relationship; I find it hard explaining that I desire deep and intimate relationship without being romantically and sexually involved.
Pastoral/Ministerial Aptitudes and Skills. In the past, every time I was elected, chosen or preferred to as a leader in a group, my initial reaction was to beg off because I always look at the responsibilities attached to the position. There was also this feeling of insecurity whether or not I can perform well. Another thing is, knowing that I am a “6” and I am rigid to myself, I am afraid that I will impose this rigidity to others placed under my care.
Concerning my lifestyle, I need to develop a more structured schedule of my daily activities. In this connection, I was, in recent past, made a list of all the things that I should do as a priest [e.g. house visitations, adult and children catechesis, ministry to the sick, the aged, the orphaned, community building, updating and reading books pertaining to the enhancement of my ministry, personal recollections and retreats, etc.].
At this time, I can say that I am still full of idealism and I always pray that cynicism and failures will not replace this idealism. Whenever I preside during liturgical celebrations I make it sure that I dispose myself to perform them well and with passion. I desire that all the liturgies must truly be a true and meaningful encounter of the faithful with God.
Vocational Clarity and Motivation. I After much prayer and discernment, I believe that the ordained ministry is the life God wanted for me. I also believe that in this kind of life I can truly be fruitful and faithful as I live out my Christian life. When I was ordained a deacon, I personally vowed to a life of poverty, obedience, and celibacy [Evangelical Counsels], and everyday these I ask through the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. I may not be the best and most able person to be chosen as His ‘sacrament’, I pray and strive in hope that I can be His instrument in spite of my weaknesses. I want to end this personal evaluation with a quote from the poem written by Archbishop Oscar Romero, which I think captures and reminds me of my role. “We may never see the end results, but this is the difference between the master builder and the worker.We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.We are prophets of a future not our own.”
No comments:
Post a Comment